 AGONY COLUMN
[--------------

]  Hello and welcome to Uncle Gangster's
]Agony column ! 

[ If you have any problems or complaints
[or  if  you are unsure about  something 
[or someone, then wri te to  me  at  the 
[usual address.

[Now for some letters that were written
[to me this week :-


Dear Uncle Gangster,

my father will not let me play with my
ST, he says that I must only use it to
do my homework with. I received the
great Massive Attack demo yesterday,
but papa will not let me look at it. I
am very sad and don't know what I can
do about this. I am only 14 years old,
and my father is bigger than me, and
he beats me up all the time. Please 
help me Uncle Gangster.

From 'Skippy of Now 5'.

]Uncle Gangster Says :-

]So your father is bigger than  you  and
]beats you all the time ? -  well do not
]worry, here is what  you  must  do ; Go
]to your nearest sports  shop  and buy a
]large Baseball bat. Take this  home and
]hit your father on  the  knee-cap  very 
]hard and then stick  your middle finger
]up at him and say loudly - 'Spin on it,
]dick sucker'. You must now  travel very
]quickly to the airport and take a plane
]to Australia. Your problems will now be
]over !
Dear Uncle Gangster,
Everybody hates me. Nobody likes me at
all. Everyone says that I rip off games
cracked by other groups and that I 
always talk bullshit. This is not true.
I am a great cracker, coder, filer, and
I have never ripped anyone off. Please
help me, what can I do ? how can I stop
people from hating me ?

From Ruthless.


]Uncle Gangster Says :-

]  It  is  very easy to stop people from
]hating you Mr Ruthless. All you have to
]do is jump in front of a train.  Nobody
]will hate you anymore after this !
